Blog

Fall is my favorite season as the temperatures cool down, school routines have returned now with ease, and the leaves begin to change to vibrant, warm colors. In both the natural and spiritual realms, seasons are so essential and a blessing! Think about how boring life would be if we had one season instead of four every year. Seasons allow for change, growth, and pruning which is so necessary if we want to live out the plans and purposes God has for us.

As I anticipate my family’s yearly weekend retreat to the NC mountains to witness and bask in God’s beautiful creation and evidence of the change in seasons, I am mindful that my itinerary is not flawless, and that God’s plans and purposes are. As we enter new seasons in the spiritual realm, we can encroach upon unknown territory. This presents a crossroad of worry, anxiety, and the pressure to control or a path of openness, trust, hope and faith, -because after all, there aren’t ever any surprises to God. And that means that he is well equipped, able, and willing to walk with us through every season of our lives.

In Coastal, NC Fall is a season that farewells hurricane season, for the most part. However, past life experiences have taught us that we aren’t quite yet out of hurricane season when Fall begins. The unknown awaits, much like other seasons. The leaves don’t always peak change at the same time every year, and a storm could come any day. Christ demonstrates in the Gospels how to command peace in a storm, and equally important, how to be become that peace. In Isaiah 43:2 the Lord affirms to us that he will be with us in those tough seasons; “When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.” Christ reassures us in Hebrews 13:5 that he won’t fail us. His thoughts and ways far exceed our understanding (Isaiah 59:8-9). And his plans and purposes for us are GOOD (Jeremiah 29:11). There are seasons when we will be challenged and disciplined and will be prompted to change ways we are accustomed to (Matthew 9:17). Through all seasons, we can trust that God has us in the palm of his hands, even when seasons look scary or unknown. God makes it clear that we are his treasures and if he makes sure that the birds are taken care of, how much more will he look after us? (Matthew 6:26). Our God is a good good father who wants to bring us into new seasons, not of mere survival, but of growth and abundance. In the midst of what one may perceive as chaos, the one whose identity and future is secured in Christ, will be able to withstand the waves, with peace and assurance.

What looks ugly and muddy on the outside is often what shapes and pressurizes God’s masterpieces -Just remember how diamonds are made! He has equipped us with all we need in this season; in the natural we may need to take out our fall attire that’s tucked away in ours closets, or prune and prep our outdoor gardens for the seasons to come. Ask the Lord to reveal to you what this season signifies for you and press into what he is saying. While this season may signify many different things for us all, it is important that we trust God to shape and transform us, whatever that may look like.

May his peace and wisdom guide you into all truth, so that you may run the race marked out for you and may you embrace the beauty of this season and all it has to offer, trading anxiety for peace.

And so, we anticipate this new season as we run our race and count it all joy! Hello Fall!

Your child may be crying out for you or another caregiver to take charge. You may be thinking, not my child, they want to be in control and insist on having their way. Many parents find themselves frustrated with their children’s behaviors, temper tantrums, and outright defiance. Power struggles can be common when this is a familiar theme in (or outside) the home. Often due to embarrassment or exhaustion, parents will give in to whatever it is their child is demanding. Not only can this encourage defiance and entitlement, but it teaches them that they are in control.

You may be thinking, children who are in control are happier because they get what they want, however a child being in control can breed many more unhealthy emotions and behaviors. When a child breaks a rule or goes against what their parent tells them, or finally gets what they threw a “tantrum” for over the last 10 minutes, they may seem happy and satisfied in that moment. However, you will begin to notice that the same child will not only begin to push more limits (since they perceive that they are in control), but they will exhibit unhealthy emotions which can be displayed in numerous ways such as anxiety, confusion, anger, sadness, etc. When a child has received the message that they are in control, they are placed in a subconscious role of authority and protection which is more responsibility than a child can handle and were never meant to carry to begin with. It is a hefty job to be in charge of a home, its responsibilities, and its rules to keep everyone safe. Imagine a home being run by a child and all the stressors attached.

Children need to know that they are not in control, they need to know that their caregiver is in charge. When children know (after some testing takes place) that their caregiver is in charge, they feel safe and secure. When parents/caregivers are in control, children likely do not know or understand why they feel safe and secure, but it is our job to provide that safety and security for them. Control is often seen from a negative perspective; however, it is important to know that when a caregiver is not in control of their children, barriers on a number of levels are built, keeping that child from ultimately being the most successful they can be. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is a great illustration of the important role safety and security play in a child’s life. If a child is preoccupied with the role of safety and security (basic needs), they cannot move on to fulfill other needs such as belonging, self-esteem, or their creative identity. Children are crying out for their parents to be in charge of them (through anxiety, anger, etc.) and I think we can all agree that being a parent/caregiver is not an easy task. Single moms and caregivers that are overwhelmed and stressed are often more vulnerable to giving in to power struggles. In the moment, it’s easier to give your child what they want. But in the end, giving them the gift of safety and security through a controlled environment, provides the assurance needed to be emotionally and psychologically healthy children so that they can be the happy children that you imagined they would always be.

The COVID-19 Pandemic left scars and residue worldwide. It’s attack on connection has negatively affected us more than most of us fully comprehend.

Gestures like hugs carry layers of risk, fear, and uncertainty. We were asked to navigate closeness through the lens of safety and consent, constantly weighing our need for connection against concern for one another’s wellbeing. What once felt instinctive — gathering, reaching out, sitting side by side — now requiring careful thought. The “new normal” adjustment has brought an unconventional quiet grief as ease of community that was once an anchor has been replaced with uncertain turbulence.

From an attachment perspective, this disruption was profound. We were created for connection and secure attachment, and our nervous systems were designed to regulate through safe relationships. When physical distance and prolonged uncertainty interrupted those bonds, it impacted not only our social lives but our emotional health. Some found themselves withdrawing, others longing more deeply for closeness, many feeling both at once. Healing involves gently acknowledging that the need for connection is not something to ignore or minimize — it is essential to our inherent creation and purpose. In order to repair and rebuild, we must first recognize the damage. It is then that we can begin exploring ways to rebuild safe forms of intimacy and community.

Ways we can recover from this atrocity include small and consistent acts of safe, emotional, and physical connection. Trust, vulnerability, and availability play a big part here. In the faith community, relearn what it truly means to be a body; trading hyper-independence for interdependence. Create or join a small group, serve in your church and community again, resume dinner parties and celebrations. Re-normalize close contact and trusting ourselves and others to use wisdom and sound judgement. We recover through relationships because we were created for relationships — with one another and with God. Attachment theory and the Christian faith both reverberate the fact that we were not meant to heal alone. Healing is not the absence of uncertainty; it is the presence of connection in the midst of it.